Learning to Fail
Learning to Fail

Learning to Fail

Last Sunday’s New York Times cover story, “What if the secret to success is failure?” spread quickly among the educational community. In fact, given the magic of online publication, I received my first link to the article on September 14 (four days before it was “published”). Since then, I’ve lost track of the many e-mails I have received encouraging me to read it and the many retweets that have appeared on my Twitter account.The story focused on the efforts of one independent school – Riverdale Country School – and one public, charter school operator – the KIPP schools – to focus on the importance of teaching and fostering character. In an age of accountability narrowly defined by standardized test scores, these schools are making the argument that we are focusing on the wrong thing. As Riverdale Head of School Dominic Randolph noted, “This push on tests is missing out on some serious parts of what it means to be a successful human.”

The schools identified seven traits – zest, grit, self-control, social intelligence, gratitude, optimism, and curiosity – that have been shown to be good indicators of lifelong success and happiness. Of particular note, these character traits focus on what researchers refer to as “performance character” versus “moral character.” While moral character – fairness, generosity, integrity – is certainly important to teach, studies have suggested that the presence of these performance character traits are strong indicators of a person’s lifelong success.

At the heart of the article – and what, I think, generated so much interest among parents and educators – is the question of how we can teach and foster these performance character traits. That is where the provocative title question comes from – is it possible to be successful without experiencing failure?

The question echoes the conversation we have been having as parents and schools for the past 10+ years about the need for students to experience setbacks, struggles and failures in order for them to develop the resilience they need to be successful in life. Books like Wendy Mogel’s Blessing of a Skinned Knee, Madeline Levine’s The Price of Privilege, and Carol Dweck’s Mindset all explored slightly different parts of this equation, but all came to similar conclusions, namely that as adults we need to create opportunities for children to face trials and challenges without overprotecting them.

Reading the article last weekend, I found myself seeing much of what we strive to do at Hillbrook reflected in the advice. “Take risks,” we tell students on a regular basis, establishing the expectation that learning involves pushing outside your comfort zone. Our Social Emotional Learning program focuses on teaching students to be reflective young adults with a high EQ (emotional intelligence) to complement their academic skills.

At the same time, I had to pause when I read the following quote from Dominic Randolph, “The idea of building grit and building self-control is that you get that through failure. And in most highly academic environments in the United States, no one fails anything.”

How often do students at schools like Riverdale or Hillbrook truly experience failure? As parents and educators we would be well-served to keep Randolph’s question in mind.

A final thought. Monday night my 1st grade son, Jackson, learned to tie his shoes. I wish I could say it was one of those magical parent-child moments, where we showed him what to do and after a few tries he figured it out and triumphantly tied the shoes.
On the contrary, it was a messy, emotional, roller coaster ride. Each time Jackson failed to figure it out, he fell apart, throwing himself on the floor, saying he could never do it, tears flowing. Finally, after 30 minutes – which felt more like three hours – he figured it out. Through his tear-stained face a big smile emerged.

It was a powerful reminder of what learning looks like. Carla and I can’t take any credit for making it happen – while we showed him what to do, he was the one in the end who had to figure it out. And he did.

The experience is one I hope to remember for a long time. If it at first you don’t succeed……